I feel shame for having fallen out of touch with so many close family and friends, many quite abruptly during the years of caregiving crises with mom. I’m using this website as a way of reaching out and reconnecting, and giving some explanation for why I have been incommunicado for so long.

My first attempt at reconnection was shortly after my mom died, sending out announcements. I did not know then that now, two and a half years later, I would still be struggling with chronic health issues that left me barely functional. Only now, in 2023 have I regained a few hours each day where I can be productive. As much as I am able, I put that time toward reaching out and restoring my relationships.

My devotion to my mom’s care was unequaled. I was her loving and doting son, her champion, her patient advocate, her caregiver, her companion. Every single doctor, nurse, social worker, therapist, religious clergy, professional caregiver, neighbor, friend and family member said that they had never seen a child take such good care of an aging parent or family member.

In my brother, Nick’s, words I did “a yeoman’s job.” Doing a “good job” was high praise in our family and my brother’s recognition was the highest praise I could be given.

After looking after mom for years daily, but part time, a medical emergency turned me into a 24/7 caregiver overnight. I cared for her every need for 34 months without a single day off. It broke me past the point of suicidal despair but I carried on beyond that with absolute determination until she was taken from me.

During all that time, I documented every significant detail in writing, photo and video. Now (last half 2023) I intend to publish those items here, organized into storylines. Frankly, I’ve been too fragile to attempt this until now. (There was one attempt in 2020, but it only lasted a week.)

Ever since a spinal injury four years ago, I’ve been in debilitating chronic pain every single day. The recommended spinal decompression surgery terrified me and I opted not to take it. I also declined opiates (didn’t want to get addicted/zombified) and nerve pain meds (which incapacitated my mom).

Instead, for several years now, I’ve undertaken a range of conventional and alternative medical therapies. I have made significant progress, extending my ability to stand or sit up straight and/or walk without pain from about 15 seconds to 15 minutes at a time. (Note: sitting at the computer limited to 10 to 20 minutes at a stretch makes it painfully slow to work on this site, but I’m doing it as best I can.)

This has been an extremely challenging journey and I still have a long way to go. I’m documenting my journey with video and written pieces collected here.

While I have experienced my personal tragedies of family illness, death and the loss of my previously perfect health, I realize that meanwhile everyone else (and society as a whole) has experienced a devastation from this pandemic.

As I seek to move beyond being broken and reach out and reconnect, I also realize that others have experienced their own personal tragedies, both before and throughout societal catastrophes.

We are, all of us, deeply traumatized and in need of solace and healing. Telling stories on this site becomes a vital part of my personal healing process.